Who is God to you? How has your vision of God changed over the years?
When I was small, I knew who God was. It was simple. He was the guy that created the world. He was the father of Jesus, and he sent his only son, blah, blah, blah.
I don’t remember a moment where I was taught about God. Nobody sat me down on a chair, telling me the tale of how God came to be, who he was, or what he represented. I had always known who God was, but it was always as if we were acquaintances. As if he was an estranged parent on the outside, trying to take me out to lunch and act like my dad once in a while. If I was really down and out, I may have glanced his way. asking for foolish things, like concert tickets, or a snow day.
I grew up in the days of God being a strict parent who reprimanded those who betrayed him, and loved only those who obeyed every little thing he said. I thought God was angry at us for being sinners, that he was a sadistic, materialistic, Ferber style parent, punishing and disciplining depending on his mood. I blamed him for all the bad things. Weirdly enough, never the good things…
At twelve, I was baptized because my parents said I was getting baptized. I knew it meant I was starting a relationship with God, accepting Jesus died on the cross, and that I would be granted a seat in the kingdom of Heaven.
I had no idea what it meant, nor was it something I was sure I even wanted.
God was the angry homophobic, racist, Uncle that showed up at family holiday parties to tell you everything that was wrong about your life. “You need a haircut.” “Stand up straight.” “Oh community college eh? Better than nothing I suppose.” “ You’re hanging out with who? <Insert insulting statistic heard on Fox News about marginalized group>”
It never made any sense to me to want anything to do with that. How could God be all creating and all knowing, and yet so cruel and punishing. How could he allow <insert horrible injustice> to happen?
Why is everyone that serves Him, so miserable?
At fourteen, I attended a private religious high school. At this point in my life I learned to not ask the weird questions. One day at our weekly school worship, I felt something come over me. It was a regular Friday worship, and I have no idea what was said now, yet this emotion forced me to start bawling my eyes out. I mean that level right below ugly cry. At fourteen. In front of the whole school. Including my crush from fourth grade. Seriously, why do people like this God person?
The older I grew, the more resentment grew in my heart as adolescence took a toll on my mind, body and spirit. At some point, God was no longer an acquaintance. He was more like, somebody that I used to know, and I found myself looking for something to replace Him. I became disappointed when I realized there is only One Spirit, that we all point back to and I dropped religion all together.
At 32, I found myself asking the same questions I had abandoned when I was younger.
Who is God? / What did He do? / When did He do what He did? / Where does God work? / Why does He do things? / How does God work?
In this series, Finding God: Six Questions Answered, I take you with me on my spiritual journey through the past year. Learning who God really is, and His Purpose in life for me, has lifted the weights off of my shoulders. It has allowed me to open up to what life has to offer me, and raise my frequency to accept the gifts from God I desire.
”When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things”. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:11
Thank you for joining me for the first part of my series Finding God: Six Questions Answered where I talk about my faith journey. Have a faith journey story to share? Leave it below in the comments. I want to hear it! If you know someone who feels they cannot trust God in their life, you can bless us both by sending this to them so they can easily start their own faith journey.
I believe all faiths are valid. While the Bible speaks to me as a vessel, I do not think Christianity is the only way to love God. Jesus said God has two real commandments. Love God, and Love your neighbor.